Stories

Every time I’m painting a painting there’s plenty of time to think.

Along the process I also form my story of what the painting is about. Some of the decisions in the painting require contemplation and I get to choose some of the content but for me, there is also the mystery part that comes from the natural process of creating, and the direction that the painting takes might be different to what I had in mind.

So the story of the painting develops organically as the process develops and it can’t be forced or decided beforehand.

Though the themes usually circle around stuff that I’ve been thinking about lately.

At the beginning, there is the seed of the story, but it grows along the process.

On this post I thought I would share the story of my newest painting, Reconcile. And it doesn’t mean that you can’t form your own.

Reconcile

Started as just a face that had the shadow side on the left.

To me left represents the past. In art the timeline goes from left to right, like in writing.

Soon the division to the dark side and the light side became the direction it was going.

And in the end this painting came to be about reconciliation between different or opposing sides and parts. Seeing both as valid and necessary.

Past and present, shadow side and conscious side. Any polarities in one self for that matter. They are linked.

It’s about acknowledging that polarity is an intrinsic part of life, and that there is no growth without contrast and conflict between the two aspects. No light without the dark.

And that there is beauty in it.

The darker the darkness, more glorious are the hights. If you allow the process of transformation.

Painting process and short jammering about spiritual realizations

The left side of the painting is much darker, harder. I left the left eye the way it was after the first few layers, reflecting the incompleteness (of past self) and pain it seemed to convey.

The right side is light, organic, see-through. Soft.

I like to think that when you go towards integration, and find your true way of being, you inevitably gravitate towards oneness and that means the lines between you and everything else starts to dissolve, like in the right side of the face and the background. Separateness is an illusion.

The gaze is more at peace on the right eye and more naturalistic too, as i spent more time painting the right side. Just like in real life, your present/future self has had more work done. (At least if you purchased the self development cruise of healing and returning to your true self for this lifetime. It’s the one for us spiritual geeks.)

Then I had to come up with the stuff around the face.

The golden structure is again just play, flow, like in my other paintings.

I had to decide what is in the black area. I usually, ok always, like to fill all the spaces. And of course I have done lotuses before, many times. But this time I chose them because they actually grow from the muddy waters, from the dark, from dirt. Everything the black represents. The unwanted, ugly or painful.

In eastern religions the dirt pond from where the lotuses grow, symbolizes the challenges and suffering. And the lotus itself enlightenment, purity and rebirth. So I kinda thought it fitted perfectly. The flower of the lotus plant emerges from the dirt untouched, pure and perfect. Still it has its roots at the bottom of the pond.

And some aspect of us is the same. We are made of the dust of the earth and our souls are deeply rooted in this vessel for this lifetime.

The way i see it. Beauty of life, reward, happiness is connected to the mud, to the darkness.

To awaken and open the bud. Is to see and accept this dual nature of things. Maybe drop the labels of what is good, what is bad. It all has its purpose.

This is my key realizations.

I have come to believe that there is nothing random about how this life is weaved. That every hardship has it’s specific meaning and function. And that willingness to face and go through them, especially past shadows, leads to liberation.

Oozing

The black that oozes from her mouth can represent the releasing of the darkness or the okayness of expressing what is considered dark or negative.

(I don’t know what the heck it is. I think its the expression thing. Or just a leak.)

The dirt pond of everything considered negative, is something everyone has. We don’t get to go through life unharmed. And i find it odd that there is still so much avoiding of the authentic expression of the darker stuff.

It’s gonna leak out anyway one way or the other. Or if not, create a problem inside.

I get that negative energy creates more negativity, and there’s no need to spin it around for fun. But i also think that the lack of authenticity, pretending everything is peaches creates false and empty feeling worlds. How can one relate or connect. Whats the point. It is not interesting.

Suppressing the dark matters is not a favour to anyone, and least to yourself.

I think the clown mask reference (also something I’ve used before many times) is about that. Holding and suppressing, making a face that is not really yours. Or using humour as avoidance mechanism. Something I’m very familiar with.

The positive that is in the negative. In the facing, expressing and releasing of the negative. Is the freedom. And that you can feel and form a real connection. To yourself, and to others.